He Knows Where You Sleep - Funny Tactical Santa Christmas Shirt
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He Knows Where You Sleep - Funny Tactical Santa Christmas Shirt
One night a year, every house on the list, and not one doorbell camera has caught him. The intel is self-reported: kids mail in their name, address and wish list weeks ahead, and the Post Office has been opening his mail since 1912. Cookies gone, milk half drunk, dog never barked. A Christmas gift from the wife or the kids to the vet who still wakes at 0300 and clears the house before he gets a glass of water. He checks the fireplace last.
THE DEBRIEF
Santa crouched on a snowy rooftop by a brick chimney, full moon behind him, engraved like a woodcut. Red suit, vest over it, sack slung like a rucksack, gloved hand on the chimney. Four-tube NODs down from a mount on his hat, dark lenses, pale blue light round the eyes. HE KNOWS / WHERE YOU SLEEP in worn stencil capitals.
Quality Guarantee
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Veteran Owned Company
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QUESTIONS FROM THE BACK
How does Santa see in the dark?
In the 1823 poem that set most of the rules, he works by the moon on new-fallen snow. That is still the best light a set of NODs can ask for, and nobody has ever seen him use a flashlight.
How does Santa know where you live?
Mostly because children tell him: letters to Santa carry a name and an address, and US postal workers have been opening and answering them since 1912, in what is now USPS Operation Santa. No intelligence service has ever had sources that cooperative.
What to get a veteran for Christmas?
Something from his own world that he would not buy for himself: a good knife, a bag of real coffee, a day with no honey-do list. Skip anything that plays a patriotic song when it opens.
